this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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