Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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