im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
