I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
