Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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