the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
