glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
