I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
