I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
