Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
