Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
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