you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
