That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
