Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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