hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
