I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
