My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
