Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
