Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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