she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
