real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
