my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
