Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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