Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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