Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
