How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize