Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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