Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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