Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
