Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Randomize
