areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My feet surprised me
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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