Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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