found the other keg... it's in the tree
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
