So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
