how hairy? two words: wookie tits
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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