feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Shame - the story of my life.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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