I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize