My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
