went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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