my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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