On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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