but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
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