I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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