I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
