Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
