Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
