We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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