After last night, I could never be a politician.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
