Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
