i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
