its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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