Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
