So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
