you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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