she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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