As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
