Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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