she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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