Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
