My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
please come you make the beer taste better
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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