If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
