I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
