Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i think i have two assholes
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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