Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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