I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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