Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
