You were right. It hurts to walk today.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
