as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
