i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
