peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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