I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
