i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
