The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
