I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
