you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
