I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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