I'm jealous of your bromance
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
