dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
