note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
