Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
We need a shit load of segways right now
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
