my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
