I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize