Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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