There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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