all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
