i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
