I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
