On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
