Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
