can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
did you just send me my own nude
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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