The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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