My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize