your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
