Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
The adults are the big ones right?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
