A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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