I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Randomize
