He told me they were just razor bumps!
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Everyone says I win the strip club
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
