Im at strip club and am horny
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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