You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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