Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Randomize