Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
