great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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