if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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